"Hey You. Yes, you. Save me. Surround me with your kindness for my loved ones have abandoned me, punished me & saw nothing but a mangled blob of ugliness."
I had the above thought after a fight I had been trying to avoid with one of my loved ones. Or so that I thought.
No matter what my achievements are, how hard I fought to bounce back from my past loss or simply all those years of trying to do the right thing, some of them.. my closed ones are simply sitting there, watching me closely and waiting for me to fall. Is this what you call, the satisfaction of being able to offer your fucking assistance to the troubled one in order to feel good about yourself?? Or what is it? Please tell me as my mind and my heart think nothing but kindness and affection towards them. Naivety and optimism could be so exhausting sometimes. An insanity.
Yogurt for dinner.
"I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all." Ecclesiastes 9:11
mercredi 4 mai 2011
mardi 3 mai 2011
Home
Yes, where is home, Constance?
Whenever I line up for a blue bird at Cengkareng or see the old neons of Ngurah Rai runway or press my right thumb to the sensor at the Changi immigration for clearance, I often ask myself: is this home? I sometimes still think Paris or even Besancon as home too. Oh, and of course Balikpapan.
All that I can think of now is to rest at home. I've got one and a half months to kill and I don't feel like traveling anymore. My luggage looks unattractive. The rack of lonely planets doesn't call my soul anymore. I stop writing my itineraries for the next few weeks or months. I start to feel like.. settling down for a while. And stop running.
Traveler's high is such an insanity sometimes.
Whenever I line up for a blue bird at Cengkareng or see the old neons of Ngurah Rai runway or press my right thumb to the sensor at the Changi immigration for clearance, I often ask myself: is this home? I sometimes still think Paris or even Besancon as home too. Oh, and of course Balikpapan.
All that I can think of now is to rest at home. I've got one and a half months to kill and I don't feel like traveling anymore. My luggage looks unattractive. The rack of lonely planets doesn't call my soul anymore. I stop writing my itineraries for the next few weeks or months. I start to feel like.. settling down for a while. And stop running.
Traveler's high is such an insanity sometimes.
lundi 2 mai 2011
A corner in Seminyak
"of all the forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness" - bertrand russell.
Haha what a slap in the face. I've been hiding in my logical room for nearly two years. Is it a good time to go out and.. give a try? when my life seems restless. when my hunger for a better career, a better running performance, a further visit to foreign lands, a cooking skill, deeper analysis on Albert Camus and CS Lewis and more.. when I want more things for myself!
Ok. Let's give a try. One step at a time.
Haha what a slap in the face. I've been hiding in my logical room for nearly two years. Is it a good time to go out and.. give a try? when my life seems restless. when my hunger for a better career, a better running performance, a further visit to foreign lands, a cooking skill, deeper analysis on Albert Camus and CS Lewis and more.. when I want more things for myself!
Ok. Let's give a try. One step at a time.
dimanche 1 mai 2011
Drunk
Can you get drunk of happiness and sadness at the same time?
Well.
Those two are fickle anyway..
Well.
Those two are fickle anyway..